Guilty .

So much happened last night a lot of wrong shit. When I look back on it, I, as in me, myself, and I, was COMPLETELY wrong. I should have never handled the situation like I did. I've never been place in that position and as it happened, I was frozen. Stuck like the white girls in horror films. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was wrong for not pushing forward in the situation because their numbers were greater than ours. I should have know what the outcome would be but it was so surreal, it felt as though it wasn't even happening. I completely will take full responsibility for why last night ended the way it did. I should've snapped out of my trance. Now I lost a friend because I wasn't being much of one last night.

Been Awhile

I been so busy. I just came around to post exactly how I feel about someone in my life right now. It's word for word how I feel. I'm not a huge Beyonce fan but she hit me on the money.

Monokini With A Concussion .

Who else in the world do you know that can be this sexy fresh out the hospital lol. I'm kidding. I was on the phone with my friend Krissy the entire time. I was struggling with taking certain shots and some are blurry but oh well. I only took shots to show how cute my new swim suit I ordered was. It's my summer so I'm going to be be sexy Dammit! lol. Tell me what you think!!!

Me In The Hospital .

I found a video I did when I was in the hospital in the bed. Sorry the camera was so shaky. It's because my hands weren't working right at the moment. But you can see how bad I look lol.

At The Hospital 5/31/09 - 6/2/09

So I was at work and a metal thing fell on me and hit me in my head and left shoulder. I was down for the count ... Then I was taken to the hospital and was admitted .... I couldn't even walk ... I'm still wobbly now but I'm managing ... I had 2 I.V's and 4 viles of blood drawn so I have a total of 3 wholes in my arms and I look like a heroin addict. They also gave me steroids for my strength and I have a SPLITTING headache. Oh did I mention, I was given a CAT Scan, a MRI, an EEG, and an X-ray???!?!?

PICTURES ANYONE????
See All The Pictures on my myspace here.

Dating .

So I'm not ready to be in a relationship because of situations that recently happened I put my heart out to someone and I got burned so I'm starting over and I've been dating but more on a friendly level. I need to get over the demons of my past that's why I decided to jump on the dating wagon. A good friend (his name is A.R.) had me listen to this song I now cherish called "Where Did It Go Wrong" by Joe Budden. That song actually gave me an epiphany. So now, I have been casually dating for a while. Tonight will be my 5th date since the falling out with Brandon and ironically, this date is with Brandon. We're starting from scratch and taking it in the slow lane because I'm not about to be hurt again so easily because half of me let him go. I've given him two strikes and on the third he's going to be out.

Well My Apology To Senia .

I still dislike your negative attitude towards almost everything that I do. I don't dislike you as a person and I do feel I need to give you an apology because I guess Keisha (some hatin ass girl I don't even know, that's a friend of Berry), was the one who posted that picture not you so I apologize for that.

So when everyone who watches the video substitute Senia's name for Keisha's name.

Oh and Keisha, THANK YOU! for being that much of a hater and caring about me SO much to take time out to take my picture and post it places. Your taking time out of your nonexistent life to promote my beauty. So thank you. Berry told me that you didn't like me. She even told me how you did it and how it all fell in place lol. It's so funny because I didn't even know you existed. So you had feelings for me and I didn't even know your were alive. Lol, that's so funny to me.

Naked Truth .

So there a picture that I took and showed a few friends but a "hater" got their hands on it and posted it on porno sites. Let's get this straight it's an all natural shot not a playboy picture it's me showing me inner and outer beauty. Not trying to get some sick pervert off. Get that straight you jealous bitch.

Here's the picture I was refering to in the above Vlog. I don't think it is at all "porno-like" or sluttish. I think it's a nice nude shot. Not sexy just natural. Click it to enlarge it.

Heart Burn .

The love I have to give conquers all. My heart may be selfish and greedy but don’t fault me for wanting to be with you and love you. If that overwhelms you then inform me of your nonexistent love and allow me to move on, rather than you misleading me allowing myself to believe you actually care. I just want a real loving, caring man who understands me. If you hear me say “I love you” then don’t abandon that or pawn it off as nothing. My heart can’t take being in love without love in return. Being in love alone is the hardest punishment anyone will ever see. It’s a prison you sometimes can’t escape. So, please don’t capture me into that prison of love.You didn’t respond to my heart calling for you. Now it’s left unattended waiting for the next unsuspecting man to capture it. “I love too hard” some say but my body and soul can’t help it. It’s a second nature and it’s a curse. I’m patiently waiting for that to prove to be a blessing just once in my lifetime. It’s not heartbreak, it’s more like heartburn. It’s a hard unexpected blow to the heart.

Jeremih .

I know I'm probably late with the Jeremih train that took off but I just recently got on. I don't usually like new artists but I so love Jeremih's Birthday Sex song. In the midst of replaying the Birthday Sex song (and the remix with Pretty Ricky), I started to love my ride. I literally listen to this song about 5 times a day. I'm in the midst of putting it on a CD for my truck lol.

Here's The Song "My Ride"

Fighting For Love .

Why am I the only one in the relationship fighting to keep it together no matter the arguement or the circumstance? It could be the smaller things, like the little arguements that doesn't mean anything that ends the whole relationship (or close friendship). I just want a man who is also willing to fight for the love we share, or potentially share. I want them to fight as hard as I do so it could be equal. If I could get the man to fight HALF as hard as me then our relationship would be 100% better.

I fall in love so easily. My heart is always on my sleeve. Why must guys be so blind to the beauty of love. Of course, I have my faults and insecurities but my belief of love has always been strong, until lately. I'm starting to beleive that real love is only in the books and fairy tales.

Tagboard .

It seems as though TagBoards are what's hot on blog so I decided to get my own. I kind of like it.

The Perfect Man .

Speaking for women that want the perfect man, I want him so bad right now. Every man tries to be the man you want them to be in the beginning, until they get used to being next to you. Then they stop surprising you, and they stop holding you the way you want to be held. They stop kissing you in cute places. Not a day goes by that I miss it. That's why I don't like being in relationships. I like meeting new guys because they are in the new stage. That stage where all they want to do is please you (not just sexually but in that cutsey mushy way lol).

I always miss the little stuff that's taken for granted ... like the small kiss on the forehead or a compliment every now and then. I just hate being the first one to initiate the little stuff. Like I have to be the one to wrap his arms around me. Why can't the guy just want to pull me close or just just give me a hug and linger a little bit. I know, I'm a hopeless romantic. That's exactly what it is, hopeless. I'm just a wishful thinker because no man is like the man I want. I just have to go on being the initiator. I can live with it...........I guess.

Sexy Me .

Here's a few pictures of me dressed up on Friday night (April 18, 2009). Click the picture to see the full size. I got cute as hell. I love it. (SO CONCEITED!!!!) I was loving myself Friday night. But tonight is a whole different story. I look a hot mess lol. But ANYWAY how you like the fit?

Cycle of Love .

"My gratified mentality whispers to my soul
My heart demoralized and now black as coal
Love smiles cunningly and bellows at my gate
This love cycle is reran to establish my fate"

I wrote this for myself. For you slow people, (lol) it basically means, even though my mind tells my broken heart no, I always give in to love even though it's not good for me. I'm happy to say I'm not doing that anymore but I can't say that I won't do it in the future. And I definitely wrote that from personal experience. It's hard to turn away from the one you love even though you know he's not good for you. I'm just so happy I had the strength because some women don't and I can honestly say that I understand why ladies.

Baby Bump .

Well one of my best friends since the sixth grade (she's 20 now) is having a baby!!! In our little social circle there's already a 1 year old boy (Little Marcus) from my other bestie, Courtney. But this one is going to be a girl! YAY! Auntie Tweety is going to SPOIL SPOIL SPOIL!!!! You know the baby stores always have cute girl clothes. Plus stores always sell them adorable ass baby Jordans lol. Anyway that's her and her little baby bump to the right. Hopefully they don't realy name her Rebecca, because then her nick name would be Becky. The only thing that runs through my head is from the ir Mix-A-Lot song, "Oh My God! Becky, look at her Butt!!" lol.

Chillen .

Here's a video of me and my friend A.R. It started off as me trying to take a picture with my phone but I didn't realize it was in camera mode so I just kept it rolling. It was just us talking shit and him starting to strip and us showing are stomachs off a little bit lol. Oh and no offense to Tasha. I only said fuck New York because he said fuck Florida.

Feels Good Being Me .

I love being me right now. I'm young with a lot of life to live. I would say what happened today but I'm not in fear of incriminating myself lol. Long story short, I went to my friends job and saw her and went to steakn' shake. Then I went to Brandon's house for a minute then I went to get my friend from a "situation" with her boyfriend. After that, I went to a park to the courts and was bored for a minute but after that I had a BLAST!!! I know it's boring to read but A LOT of people that know me know about my blog and maybe I should've kept it a secret from them then you'd get the JUICY stuff lol.

Pubic Wax .

So when I usually get my 'area' done I usually got with a small triangle but someone from my messageboard inspired me to go COMPLETELY bare. (Emily). There was a discussion about different styles and what not on there. So I decided to go baby bottom smooth yesterday. I must say that I love it .... Feels a lot more refreshing ... I think I'm going to stay bald down there for a long while. I love the feeling!!! lol.

The April Fool .

The folly mistakes
With dishonesty and deceit
My spirit broken
with anger and defeat
He's my weakness
so I'll evacuate and retreat

I made that little rhyme for the guy in my life who thinks I'm dumb. The ex-girlfriend is too much and you know it and yet she sticks around. I can't help my feelings towards the situation. You know the ultimatum, you may dislike it or get angry but it is what it is.